I’ve never had to go through a natural disaster other than an earthquake, but of course, as a California native, earthquakes are a part of life. Coming home from a great day at Magic Mountain to the sights of red and orange flames threatening to attack my town was the scarriest thing I think I’ve ever gone through. I live in the desert. It hardly ever rains, its dry and there are fires around my town every year around this time, but never so close that my friends have had to be evacuated from their homes. All the way home I was worried sick about the outcome of the terrible incident that had taken place after I had left that morning. And I couldn’t help but think that I might be coming home only to pack up and get ready to have to leave it again. I’d never wanted to be at home so much in my entire life. Right now the winds have picked up, and the fire has jumped over our aquaduct, which gives the fire a better chance of getting to us. I’m all the way on the outskirts of the town, but for some of my friends the fire is taking place in their backyards. Please, pray for me friend’s and my town. We are so used to seeing fires around us, but never one that has been so threatening.
I LOVE YOU. THAT IS ALL.
The other day my dad said something to me that literally shocked me and made me stop what I was doing. It was in the middle of fixing dinner and my whole family had been getting along, which doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. My mom and I were talking about when my friends were moving out and heading to their designated schools. Suddenly my dad brought quite an unusual question to the table. He said in a very nonchalant tone “Does it make you sad that all your friends are going to college?” I couldn’t believe that he would even dare to ask me a question like this. He walked out into the backyard to cook dinner as I said to my mom, trying not show that what he said had stung, “well, that was rude.” I thought maybe I was overreacting, but she replied without hesitation “yeah, it was.” I decided that, despite the fact that what he said had hurt a lot that I would ignore it and go on with the night like I’d planned: drama free. But as soon as he opened the patio door to come back into the kitchen he began pressing me to answer his question. At this point, I just didn’t want to talk. I wanted to get over what he had said to me, because if I were to think about it anymore I knew it would hurt ten times more. After a few moments of the cold shoulder and numerous trips upstairs as to avoid him, he came up to me and told me that I needed to stop being so sensitive. He explained to me that I was never going to get anywhere in life if I was going to be as sensitive as I was acting. This, I could not believe. My own father- telling me that I had to stop having emotion. It was appalling. I became enraged, telling him to stop talking to me. I decided I was done with the conversation. He needed to realize that his question was completely out of line and that to suggest that I feel no emotion toward it was crazy.
The thing is- I am going to college. I’m just not going to a UC or CalState school. And that makes him dissapointed because he didn’t go to college and he wants me to take advantage of my education. I understand that culinary school is not the most, for lack of a better word, sensible choice for me, but to be honest, it’s the only thing I can see myself doing. I’m excited for it, and I hope that I can make something out of my life with it, but at the same time, I don’t know what my future beholds. For all I know, this is a terrible idea. For all I know, I may end up deciding that culinary is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. These thoughts have been on my mind for over a year now, but I was just starting to think that I need to stop thinking about my future and think about what I want right now. Just as I was starting to think this, my dad swoops in and makes me doubt myself. This is not the way a dad is supposed to react. A dad is supposed to be supportive of their daughter, regardless of the way they feel about decisions that they make when it comes time to start making decisions on their own. It hurts that my dad feels the need to take stabs at me and make me feel this way, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. I’m currently not speaking to him; I spent the night at a friend’s last night so I wouldn’t have to deal with him, and tonight I said about two words to him. I feel bad because I know that he feels my anger in the air, and I’m sure it stings, but at the same time, I’m still so furious about what he said.
Anyway, a decision like culinary school is a hard decision to make, but I think I’m taking the chance. I’m taking the leap and going for something that I love to do that I really feel I can make a future for myself with. I’m ready to jump. Please jump.
I remember being super angry after seeing Prisoner of Azkaban, but I don’t really remember why, they did change a lot in the movie. I hate that they took the whole House Elf part out of Goblet of Fire. I always loved Hermione’s new hobby with house elf rights and they way Ron constantly made fun of it.
You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve just written a blog to say something.
This past week I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that even when you feel that everything is going wrong and things aren’t going to get better, there is always room for something good to happen amongst all the bad. And when that happens, you realize that your problems aren’t as big as they seemed before. Sometimes all it takes is a big smile or some genuine laughter to bring you out of a funk. So whenever you feel that things aren’t going your way, and you’re never going to feel better: smile.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but MY PHONE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD. It was submerged under water and it still works. My Blackberry is my baby.
I really need to invest in an address book before I head off to college. I have a feeling a lot of letter writing will commence while I am there. If anybody would like a letter, picture, or random scrap of paper, let’s be penpals.
Send me a message with your address and I’ll send you my new school one in return.
Oh! When do you move to Arizona? I haven’t written you back yet so I’ll have to keep that date in mind.
I am officially in No-Stress mode.
Because I’m a raging moron. And the world decided I wasn’t going through enough already. It decided that it wanted to kick things up a notch and send me over the edge. It’s perfect timing too. Because I was already thinking I’d ruined my own life. But now I proved that I can, in fact, do more damage. I’m completely unstoppable.
This is quite possibly the worst week of my life. And I’m afraid I might’ve actually ruined my entire life.
:( I could really use some cheering up right about now.
You know when people say things like “you can always come to me if you ever need to talk” and you think, ‘oh, good to know I have great friends who will always be there for me!” But when it comes down to the point where you’re hyperventilating and trying not to cry and you know you need to talk to someone you think very hard about who you should call and even though some people have told you they’d always be there for you you know that they’re not the one you should talk to?
Graduated High School. Kissed someone.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid. Gone to a rock concert. Helped someone. Gone fishing. Watched four movies in one night. Gone long periods of time without sleep. Lied to someone. Been dumped. Failed a class.
Taken a college level course. Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral. Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep. Spent over $200 in one day. Flown on a plane.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Cut yourself. Have a best friend. Lost someone you loved.
Been to jail.
Had detention. Skipped school. Got in trouble for something you didn’t do. Stolen books from the library. Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to SeaWorld.
Voted for American Idol.
Written poetry. Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’thave.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Taken a taxi. Seen the Washington Monument. Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal. Used a credit card. Gone surfing in California. Did “spirit day” at school. Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced. Got straight A’s. Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam. Started a fire.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.
Because if I could I would just say “Forget her. If she can’t see how amazing you are then she isn’t worth a second of your time. I, on the other hand, would adore every second with you.”
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
I would owe you a basket of cupcakes if you do…