Alexandra.

“There was a musical box that emitted a faintly sinister, tinkling tune when wound, and they all found themselves becoming curiously weak and sleep until Ginny had the sense to slam the lid shut; also a heavy locket that none of them could open, a number of ancient seals and, in a dusty box, and Order of Merlin, First Class that had been awarded to Sirius’s grandfather for ‘Services to the Ministry.’”

-Harry Potter and the Order of The Pheonix

Keep the locket! KEEP THE LOCKET, IT’S A HORCRUX KAKDSFJEWOIEWSFDK

For some reason I’ve been really excited for winter lately. I think it’s because pre-season football has started and football always reminds me of cold winter Sundays sitting on the couch in a big sweater and thick leggings watching football all day with my dad. It’s the only thing we can truely bond over anymore. Well, the only we can bond over that doesn’t end in an arguement. I’m really kind of over summer. I’m over the intense heat and sweating. Fall is my favorite season, but I definitely have a soft spot for winter as well.

I wish California looked like this. I wish I could walk down a pathway that was covered in glistening white flakes.

I feel like winter is going to be dramatically different this year. I think college will change things. I’ll be spending more time at home, which will be weird, but I’m excited for it. I’m excited for fuzzy slippers, scarves and hoodies, and watching movies with a hot cup of tea under a warm blanket.

If you’re from California then you know all about UC and Cal State schools. The ones everyone dreams of going to. The only acceptable schools for some people. I’ve lived in California my whole life, so this was all I heard about as I grew up. How great they were; how important it was to go to one of these schools. For some reason, growing up, despite all the talk of UCLA or USC, (my apologies for putting these two schools in the same sentence to any of you Bruins or Trojan fans out there) I never really gave any thought to where I wanted to go to college. I hear people telling me sometimes “It’s my dream school. I’ve wanted to go there since I was a little girl.” I mean, when you think about it, it sounds kind of crazy. A little kid- elementary schooler- thinking about where they wanted to go to college. Let me tell you what I was thinking about in elementary school: bugs and the best strategies for tag. I feel like living in Southern California and being surrounded by such prestigious schools has put a lot of pressure on kids in high school. I’ve seen my friends; all throughout high school they worked themselves half to death. I didn’t understand the concept of working yourself to death for four years of high school to get into a college and work yourself to death for four years of college. Bear with me, I was a bit ignorant in my youth (and still am, considering I am still unsure as to where I am attending my post high school education.)

I think what I’m saying is its insane. The whole concept of college is insane. I understand its a necessity to get a good job and to achieve your career goals, but the way its working out right now, is insane. I can’t go to my local university (which is not a UC or Cal State school) because they want over $14,000 for a 7 month certificate program. How is that possible? Tuition alone is over $10,000. That is literally more than what I have saved up for college. College students can barely eat, let alone have enough money to pay that kind of tuition. But then again, I don’t know what my UC-bound friends are paying for their tuition. That might be even more insane.

Anyway, I feel like I’m way off topic. Pressure- that was my original topic, believe it or not. Do students in other states have the same kind of pressure?

I started to write something after that last sentence, but I managed to delete it somehow. I feel like this entire blog sounds incredibly ignorant and completely misguided, but I guess that’s how we learn, right? Anyone, please, correct me if I’ve got the wrong idea. I’m not bashing on UC or Cal State schools, I’d love to get into one myself. I just feel like it’s a lot harder to get into one than it is most schools. And I feel constantly pressured to go to one and looked down upon because I’m not.

-.-

I guess I always assumed that my parents were constantly putting money away for my college fun ever since I was born. “They’re smart”, I told myself, “they know what they’re doing.” For my brother, school wasn’t his thing. He got a job and went straight to work. He still lives with us and I know that’s hard on my parents because its more bills to pay. So I always told myself I was going to get out of the house by the time I turned 18.

Flashfoward to the end of junior year of high school. Everyone was in a college frenzy; picking the colleges they were applying to, trying to get scholarships, the whole shabang. Except me. I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. I thought about what it would be like to go through another four years of sitting at a desk listening to someone blab on about something and lots of studying and homework. It didn’t sound interesting at all. So I didn’t think about where I wanted to go because college just didn’t appeal to me. After a while though, I started to get worried. What was I going to do with the rest of my life? I couldn’t sit at home with my parents for the rest of my life. I started to think: what was something I was good at, that I liked, that I could make a career out of? It came to me one day after I had baked cinnamon rolls for my mom’s office party and she came home raving about the turnout. I could be a baker! I actually kind of liked it and, according to my mother’s office, I was pretty good at it. I began my search in a school that I could get the education that I truely wanted. When I found it, I realized it was my absolute dream school. The Culinary Institute of America. Located in New York (just North of Poughkeepsie), a whole school dedicated to exactly what I wanted. I knew it was where I belonged. It was a grand school. I told my parents about it and soon found that weren’t too fond about my plans. “It’s a lot of money”, my mom said, “a lot of money that we don’t have.” My dad would tell me every once in a while, just to make me angry, “Bake? I never see you bake!” It was a little earthshattering and quite dream crushing, but after a while I knew I had to accept that I just wasn’t going to be able to follow this dream, it was purely impossible. My mom suggested I start closer. Try some baking classes more locally. She found me a few classes which eventually lead to a school where I would be able to major in Professional Baking. It got my hopes up again. I enrolled and eventually tried to register only to find that all the classes I wanted to take were full. My heart sank once again. What was I going to do? It was the beginning of August, all my friends were already beginning to go to their school’s orientations and here I was: without a place to go.

My mom has been supportive of me from the start. Its truely not her fault that we can’t afford the school I want to go to. I’m so uneducated about the whole college process that when I’m stuck in a rut like this I give up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to turn. It’s the middle of August, who’s going to want me in their school? I missed my chance. I tried the local university, which has a culinary program as well. They took me in, we had a meeting and they told me I could start about the middle of next month. Finally! I wasn’t going to be without a school anymore! I even got a tour of the kitchens where I’d be learned, which got me particularly excited. But when our tour guide showed my mom the cost of a 7 month certificate program she thought differently. We left that day and on the way home she started talking about money; about how she was going to have to take some of my brother’s savings bonds and put into my account. At first I thought “alright, he wasn’t using them right?” But then I realized, that’s not very fair. I felt kind of bad about stealing his savings bonds. She came home today and told me that I was going to have to start looking for scholarships. Scholarships? Who’s going to give me a Scholarship? We’re a middle-class, white family living in the suburbs, no one is going to give us money. I don’t want to do it, but I feel like giving up again. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to turn. I want to be in school. For the first time in my life, I’m done with summer vacation. I’m starting to get frustrated because all of my friends are going on with their lives; starting a new chapter and I feel like I haven’t moved an inch.

I always thought we had enough money. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about finding money for college, because my parents had put some away for me. And now thinking back on it I’m a little angry that I didn’t know about this sooner. Had I known that money was going to be an issue during college, I wouldn’t tried a lot harder to get grants and scholarships sooner. No one told me that money was going to be an issue. All this time I’ve just been worrying about where I’m going to go.

And what about my dad? He’s the one always telling me I have to do well in school; that I always have to be the best that I can in my classes. He’s always wanted me to go to college. So why did he buy himself a Corvette? Guaranteed, if he sold that car today, I’d have plenty of money to go to college. I’ll say it again: I don’t know what to do. I’m going to end my rant here because if I continue on, I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

That I am:

• a complete
• and utter
• nerd

I hate when people say things like “Hey guys, we’re not in high school anymore, so stop acting like it.” Or “I’m so glad I’m not in high school anymore! No more drama!!!” Just a wake up call to all of you who think this: it is not true.

Just because you graduate from high school it doesn’t mean you mature in any way. If you’ve got drama in high school, you’re still going to have it coming out of high school. I mean, what do you expect? You’ve been out of high school for 2 months! That’s not enough time for someone to realize that they’ve been acting like a child for the past four years of their life! Most people will go their whole lives not realizing they act like a child in places where acting like a child is not appropriate. For instance, my mother comes home talking about the things people say to her (and behind her back) at work. I remember once I told her: “That sounds worse than the things I hear at school.” Rumours are always going to be a part of your life because people think that spreading lies is a definite way to get themselves ahead when it comes to business. The only thing that you can do about the rumours and the “drama” is handle it in a mature way: ignore it. Most of people’s drama comes from them handling it poorly (ie: starting fights over something they heard; spreading more rumours).

So don’t worry, young people of the world- there’s plenty of drama to go around. You can’t get rid of it that easily.

What is this patience you speak of? I don’t want to be patient. I live in a society where I can get hungry, order a pizza and have it delivered to my house in half an hour. I want my shit now.

But really, our fast-paced commonwealth is going to be our downfall. We don’t want to wait for anything anymore. What’s the point? Everything is either a phone call away or can easily be accessed by the internet. The point is that nothing is special aymore. Working hard for something makes you appreiciate it more; it makes you notice the real beauty inside of the simplest of things. Love, for example: most people jump right into relationships with people without working for it, ending the relationship in an ugly matter more than not. If people were patient about love, they’d find the beautiful imperfections that people hold and grow to appreciate them more rather than submerging themselves into a person only to find that they’re not what they thought they were.

I’m tired of being patient, but I want to appreciate everything I get and work hard for.