You know that moment when someone really close and special to you gives you really great news that they’ve accomplished something or have an amazing opportunity ahead of them? And you want to, for the life of you, be ecstatic for them because they deserve it, but somewhere deep in your heart you’re upset because it means they’ll be away from you at least that much longer? It feels so selfish, to be upset that a friend is getting to experience something they’ve always wanted to. Purely because you miss them. I guess this is what they mean by ‘when you really love someone, let them go.’
I have this thing that I like the call a ‘Gandhi Complex’. I’m against fighting and any form of violence. I can’t see why people think that using physical force gets their message across. In high school I always walked away from the fights that broke out in the hallways and my friends didn’t really understand. They actually thought it was entertaining. But I don’t understand why so many people feel the need to use their fists or weapons or mass armies to get people’s attention or hear what they have to say or get what they want. You hear about stories on the news everyday- a fight breaks out at a local school; a murder takes place in a suburban neighborhood; three people beat another personal nearly to death because he looked at them funny. I know the phrase “actions speak louder than words”, but I don’t always believe in it. The truth is that violence doesn’t get the world anywhere. Do you know who uses physical violence to survive? Animals. We as humans need to realize that by resorting to punching and kicking or nearly killing someone because we’re angry, we are no better than animals. That we are taking a step back from humanity.
What baffles me is that violence has been documented for as long as human life has. It’s present in every time period in every part of the world. It’s human nature. But if I can understand that violence gets you nowhere, I will continue to have faith that other people have the ability to as well.
I’m done preaching now.
It was probably really dumb of me to think that if I skipped the rest of my classes I would feel better. In reality now I just have more time to think about all the things I’m trying to forget.
I’m not really sure how I’ve managed to get myself in this situation. Two people who know so much about each other, but chose to pretend as if there is nothing going on. Pretend that all those things that happened were just our imaginations. I guess before all this happened I was really thinking about the consequences.
I had a dream about you last night. Actually, if I’m speaking truthfully, it was a nightmare. Probably the most terrifying nightmare I’ve ever had. It reminded me why I’m over you; why I want to put all of this behind me. Why I need to accept that fact that the person I used to know is just not there anymore. It was a blaring sign that I’m 100% ready to move on. Seriously, this sign had flashing lights, and arrows pointing at it.
I know that people are busy. I’m busy too, but I usually try make things work to see people. I feel like most people aren’t really making an effort to free some time up to see me. I guess that makes me sound a little selfish, but do you get where I’m coming from? When it’s just one person who doesn’t want to change their schedule to see you or talk to you it doesn’t feel as significant. But when you feel like it’s almost everyone you know it kind of hurts. I guess I just feel like everyone around me is in constant movement while I’m stuck in a stationary position.
It’s people who decide to ignore their problems (or other people) rather than facing them head on and talking about it. It just makes things messier and you hurt people a lot more than you intended to.
So I just realized what day it is. It’s time to talk about one of the most important people in my life.
I cannot believe it has been 6 years. It’s been more than half a decade.
Dear Xotch,
Looks like it’s been another year. I can’t believe how fast time is going. It honestly feels like just yesterday I was writing to you when I first started college. I can’t believe I’ve been in college for a year now. I’ve definitely become a lot more busy since then. Still haven’t spoken to Fidel in quite some time and as I said last time I’m extremely disappointed in myself for that. I hope that you get to see him every once in a while though. I’m pretty sure he’s really far away from home- I’m sure he’d be happy to know you’re watching over him. Then again, I’m sure he’s always aware that you’re watching over him.
I know that I write this every year, but I really do thank you for showing me how important my life is. And it’s not that I come here to thank you just on this day every year, I am thankful for you every day of my life. You unintentionally saved my life and I will never forget that. Every day I wake up to a brand new day because you helped me see that the people around me truly cared for me. It’s funny how blind a person can be until something incredibly drastic happens and shakes the blindness out of them. I still hate that you had to leave to teach me such a valuable lesson, but sometimes it helps to find the beauty in terrible situations. It takes a lot of weight off of our souls. I hope that everyone has found beauty in this situation. I know that it isn’t easy; I know that there are plenty of lives that you’ve touched. I mean look at what you did to me. I barely knew you and yet you’ve impacted my life in ways that I could never forget.
I just wanted to say thank you again. I will always be saying thank you to you. I will never take what I have in front of me for granted. Thank you, Xotch.
I hate getting into arguments with my dad so much. Unfortunately we have virtually the same personalities, thus we tend to clash. The two of us have a headstrong complex. We both like to have the last word and we both have the kind of trait where we say things before we think about them when it comes to certain topics. Neither of us will back down on our opinions, regardless of what the others’ opinion might be. We both feel strongly about things that are important to us and will fight to be heard. I don’t like arguing with my dad, but once the two of us start there is no stopping us.
Sometimes I wonder if you stay up late, laying in bed, unable to sleep because thoughts of me plague your mind.
The same way that I’m doing right now about you.
It’s funny how in the past you used to think some people were mature and had a good head on their shoulders and as time goes by you see the mature people “growing down” and spending so much time obsessing over all the wrong things. While at the same time, you feel you were less mature for your age, but as time goes by you feel you’ve learned so much and become a much bigger person.
Or maybe you just didn’t know that person like you thought you did.